Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category


How many Stephen Colberts are there?

BY CHARLES MCGRATH

From The International Herald Tribune

There used to be just two Stephen Colberts, and they were hard enough to distinguish. The main difference was that one thought the other was an idiot. The idiot Colbert was the one who made a nice paycheck by appearing four times a week on ”The Colbert Report” — pronounced in the French fashion, with both t’s silent — the extremely popular fake news show on Comedy Central. The other Colbert, the non-idiot, was the 47-year-old South Carolinian, a practicing Catholic who lives with his wife and three children in suburban Montclair, New Jersey. One of the pleasures of attending a live taping of ”The Colbert Report” is watching that Colbert transform himself into a Republican superhero.

Suburban Colbert comes out dressed in the other Colbert’s guise — dark two-button suit, tasteful Brooks Brothersy tie — and answers questions from the audience for a few minutes. Then he steps onstage and turns himself into his alter ego. His body straightens, a self-satisfied smile creeps across his mouth and a fatuous gleam steals into his eyes.

Read the whole story here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/08/magazine/stephen-colbert.html


This is just ridiculous! Shows the State of Nation

Government logo fail of the day: “

This is like an Onion parody on steroids. Only it’s 100 percent real.
Inspired by President Obama’s “Sputnik moment” speech back in January, the government-sponsored Smithsonian Institute has launched a new blog called “Department of Innovation”. As they describe it:
Seems a long time ago, but it was only back in January when Barack Obama told us that America had reached a “Sputnik moment.” He was referring to the competition with China to be the Big Dog of the 21st century global economy, but the subtext was that the country needs an attitude adjustment, that we need to start channeling Silicon Valley, a place where people may pledge to “Do no evil” but the true religion is innovation.
It made for one fine sound bite. But it hasn’t exactly inspired a bunch of innovation rallies and bake sales. So in the spirit of banging the drum for new ideas and fresh thinking, this blog will track all things innovative, not just in science and technology, but also in how we live, how we learn, how we entertain ourselves.
Sharp-eyed reader Rob M. certainly found the “Department of Innovation”s logo entertaining. You will, too.
Take a closer look:

As Rob wrote me this morning: “Check out the logo. 3 interlocking gears arranged in this fashion will not move in any direction. They are essentially locked in place. Which when you think about it, is a perfect analogy of today’s government!”Also a perfect analogy for a hapless administration’s pretense of entrepreneurial expertise: Total non-starter.
And that, my friends, is your government logo fail of the day…

***

Another commenter at the Smithsonian blog also noticed: “I love this feature. I thought, however, that I would comment on the Department of Innovation meshing gears logo. The gears can’t turn. Perhaps that was the intended effect?”
Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Our commenter Cynosura adds: “Not to pick at nits, but the position of the gears (interlocking, thus unable to turn) is not the only problem with the logo. The gear pitch (space between tooth centers) is not consistent. I realize that it’s a logo and not a technical drawing, but it hurts my eyes to look at it. Even if the small gears were separated, the gears would likely jam during the first revolution…”
Snortalicious!

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Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is

AUGUST 3, 2011 | ISSUE 47•31
The intoxicated Federal Reserve chairman informs bar patrons of the dangers of reckless spending.
SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn’t afraid to let everyone in attendance know about “the real mess we’re in,” Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood’s Corner Tavern about how absolutely fucked the U.S. economy actually is.
Bernanke, who sources confirmed was “totally sloshed,” arrived at the drinking establishment at approximately 5:30 p.m., ensconced himself upon a bar stool, and consumed several bottles of Miller High Life and a half-dozen shots of whiskey while loudly proclaiming to any patron who would listen that the economic outlook was “pretty goddamned awful if you want the God’s honest truth.”
“Look, they don’t want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad shit really is,” said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke. “Mounting debt exacerbated—and not relieved—by unchecked consumption, spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for, like, a generation, man, I’m telling you.”
Enlarge ImageA drunken Bernanke attempts to find the Aerosmith song “Back In The Saddle” on the bar jukebox.
“And hell, as long as we’re being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we’re lucky—if we’relucky,” continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while gesturing with his hands. “Of course, if everybody knew that, it would likely cripple financial markets across the entire fucking globe, even in various emerging economies with self- sustaining growth.”
After launching into an extended 45-minute diatribe about shortsighted moves by “those bastards in Congress” that could potentially exacerbate the nation’s already deeply troublesome budget imbalance, the Federal Reserve chairman reportedly bought a round of tequila shots for two customers he had just met who were seated on either side of him, announcing, “I love these guys.”
Numerous bar patrons slowly nodded in agreement as Bernanke went on to suggest the United States could pass three or four more stimulus packages and “it wouldn’t even matter.”
“You think that’s going to create long-term economic growth, let alone promote job creation?” Bernanke said. “We’re way beyond that, my friend. There are no jobs, okay? There’s nothing. I think that calls for another drink, don’t you?”
While using beer bottles and pretzel sticks in an attempt to explain to the bartender the importance of infusing $650 billion into the bond market, the inebriated Fed chairman nearly fell off his stool and had to be held up by the patron sitting next to him.
Another bargoer confirmed Bernanke stood about 2 inches from her face and sprayed her with saliva, claiming inflation was going to “totally screw” consumer confidence and then asking if he could bum a smoke.
“Sure, we could hold down long-term interest rates and pursue a program of quantitative easing, but c’mon, we all know that’s not going to make the slightest bit of difference when it comes to output, demand, or employment,” Bernanke said before being told to “try to keep [his] voice down” by the bartender. “And trust me, with the value of the U.S. dollar in the toilet, import costs going through the roof, and numerous world governments unprepared for their own substantial debt burdens, shit’s not looking too good for us abroad, either.”
“God, I’m so wasted,” added Bernanke, resting his head on the bar.
Later in the evening, Richard Kampman, a truck driver who was laid off in 2010, said Bernanke approached him in the men’s restroom and attempted to strike up a conversation about various factors contributing to the current financial crisis.
“He stumbled up to the urinal and started mumbling on about the depressed housing sector or something,” said Kampman, who claimed Bernanke had to use both hands on the wall to steady himself. “Then after a while he just sort of stopped and I couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying.”
“Then he puked all over the sink and the mirror,” Kampman added.
Customers at the bar told reporters the “shitfaced” and disruptive Bernanke refused to pay for his drinks with U.S. currency, claiming it was “worthless.” Witnesses also confirmed that near the end of the evening, Bernanke put money into the jukebox and selected Dire Straits’ “Money For Nothing” to play five times in a row.
“This is what it’s all about,” said Bernanke, who reportedly danced alone in the middle of the dark tavern. “Fucking love this song.”

The Onion (@TheOnion)
8/3/11 4:05 PM
Drunken Ben Bernanke Tells Everyone At Neighborhood Bar How Screwed U.S. Economy Really Is http://onion.com/qxG6as

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Original Canned Air


The ‘AIR from PRAGUE’ is becoming a very popular souvenir and gift from Prague, Czech republic. We are offering an original product… 100% organic. Fresh air from Prague relieves stress, cures homesickness 
and helps fighting nostalgia.”

“Feeling down? Got the blues? Buy a whole box of Air and open the cans whenever you feel sad, remember the atmosphere, marvelous time you spent in Prague and feel better.”
Of course, the first time I saw this was in Jerusalem, where they still sell Holy Air.

As an alternative, I propose the following:

Swiss Air” – Get High in the Alps  
One breath of Swiss Air and you’ll be relaxing before you know it. Perfect for winding down after that rough day at the office — or home.

Guaranteed Stress Reliever


NYC AirInhale the Action 
Party it up as if you were in the City that Never Sleeps. Purified to give you the buzz of New York City – without all the smog. 


Guaranteed to Wake You Up



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The MasterLiving Blog





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